My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
