I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
