I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize