I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
