I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
