I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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