Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
