The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
