what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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