I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
