I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
