He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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