I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
