i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
