Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
