this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
