My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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