Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
