theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
