Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
