Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
