The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize