Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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