its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize