cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He did a backflip because drugs
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
