Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
