I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
