This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
