apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
