This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My feet surprised me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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