Only a mothe r could love this liver
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
