i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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