Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
