no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
