I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
