So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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