God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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