Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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