At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
