One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
this hospital has no fireball
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
