just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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