my sisters under your porch take her home
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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