So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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