im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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