If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
