I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
