Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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