Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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