I will die if light touches me.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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