he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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