the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fuck appropriateness.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
