I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
