i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize