Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
