if i can run in heels then i can drive
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
