Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
