Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
