3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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