So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
