let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
