Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
