He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
