Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
