I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
