I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
