Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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