We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
