i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
