so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just gift wrapped bread.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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