please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My ass is underappreciated
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
