Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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