I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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