Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
