It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Couch. On fire.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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