There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
