I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
