Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
