What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
