Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize