dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
